Obadiah Spelter vs. Stephenie Meyer & Her Hepatic Majesty Read online

why she stayed. She has ability to see inside the minds of humans. She saw Francis’s two nights ago when he was fantasizing about vampires.

  ‘’I know everything about you, Francis, it’s like I’ve known you from the day of your birth. I know your most intimate thoughts, and I know that you will help me.’’

  ‘’How?’’

  ‘’Let me stay. Never open the curtains of your room.’’

  ‘’Okay’’, said Francis. He gave her one of his pajamas that looked so big on her tiny body and she fell asleep in his bed.

  A perfect objectification. The fabric of dreams. Only his. All his.

  Caught up in his thoughts Francis went to kitchen and flinched when he saw Obadiah sitting at the table, in the dark. ‘’You scared me.’’

  ‘’You talk to yourself, now?’’, said Obadiah. He heard.

  ‘’I was talking on the phone’’, Francis replied and quickly changed the subject: ‘’How many times have I told you, Obadiah, not to touch things around house with your hands wet from your saliva?!’’ Obadiah slimed the handle of the fridge when he was taking the beer. ‘’It’s so unhygienic.’’

  Obadiah got up and wiped the handle with a paper napkin.

  ‘Till the early hours Obadiah was fending off a pack of Shakespeare boys, he ended up losing some four hundred bucks and that can be considered a great success. Such is the story of Obadiah, defeat is so common that some forms of it have become success. Francis thought Obadiah a loser of the worst kind; not only did he choose to make his life a game where defeat was imminent, but he allowed the pressure of the game get to his nerves and turn him into a foul-mouthed wreck. He thought that Obadiah was once like him; a human being of inner balance, on the path of accomplishment of his potential. But, this acute state of anxiety that he revels in, made him ruin all the good things he had in life, such as his relationship with Alexandra. Because now he knows only how to lose.

  And surely, gods have sent Tinia to Francis’s room as a confirmation that his path is right, that he is favored by them.

  Obadiah went out and Francis stripped naked and lied down in his bed, he pulled sleeping Tinia close to his body. She is here for him. He caressed her hair until she woke up. She turned to him and stared in his eyes. ‘’I know you are hungry, but you’re afraid to ask’’, said Francis. ‘’I will make a pact with you, every time you have sex with me, I will pay you in blood.’’ She didn’t have much choice. She assumed a pose and let him in and after he had his pleasures, she got her reward.

  And so the new Sun rose for Francis. He left for work and the orange haired girl in a blue pajama with stars and moon on it, waited for his return, alone in his bedroom. As soon as he unlocked the doors, he rushed to the bedroom to share warmth with her, and touch and ecstasy and… blood.

  He tried getting to know more about her, but she wouldn’t tell him anything. She was all quiet and shy. She wouldn’t even answer him when he asked is there no sun in her world, nothing. Not a single word about the place she came from. So, Francis analyzed what he knows about her and concluded that she has to be coming from some world with little or none natural light, thus her dermal and ophthalmic condition, and that the Earth’s atmosphere is causing a certain blood anemia in her, causing her to compensate for the missing components by ingesting the blood of the indigenous, which her advanced digestion tract somehow supplies to her circulatory system.

  If he would be able to document some of this, Francis would easily earn himself a PhD. But, Francis has no such desires, Francis wants to help Tinia overcome her condition in order to be normal, to be human. Then, he wouldn’t have to hide her, he would be able to show her to the world. The best thing he could do for now, he did; he bought the strongest UV blocking sun cream, and a pair of darkest glasses, and gave it to Tinia. Tinia refused to use those things, insisting that it will not help, and they engaged in verbal conflict. It ended in Francis leaving and slamming the door of the bedroom.

  In the anteroom, he saw Obadiah taking his coat off, and looking confused. Who knows how long was he standing there, how much he heard. Francis closed himself in the toilet without saying anything. ‘He probably just entered’, mused Francis. ‘He doesn’t suspect anything.’

  For days now, Obadiah, the prophet of Ahab – Hebrew king that made Israelites worship Ba’al – fertility god of the Phoenicians, has been listening Francis conversing with someone. And not once did he hear anyone responding back. As the sound of the shower came from the bathroom, Obadiah opened the doors of Francis’s room. He flipped the switch. No one was there. Just empty room.

  He took a can of beer out of the fridge, sat down on the couch and showed his fingers in his mouth. ‘He’s going Norman Bates’, thought Obadiah. Talking with someone who’s not there and answering in his… hers stead. These thoughts and beer made him feel hazy, and the only thing he could conclude is that he doesn’t have enough information to conclude anything. He lied down in his room and fell asleep.

  Pressure on his bladder woke him up in the middle of the night and Obadiah schlepped toward the toilet. Passing next to Francis’s room, he stopped. Gasping, moaning and pounding were coming from behind the closed doors. The sounds of carnality. Of intercourse. Obadiah got down on his knees and aligned his peeking eye with the keyhole. His eye moved left and right trying to discern any shapes in the darkness. He couldn’t. He could only hear them. ‘Them.’

  As soon as Francis left for work in the morning, Obadiah marched in his room. He looked under Francis’s bed and in his closet and behind curtains and he found no one. So that’s settled then, the mysterious girl doesn’t exist. Francis flew over cuckoo’s nest. Or, he’s playing some game with himself. Or, third option is that there’s some entity here invisible to Obadiah’s eyes. Ha hah! He laughed. He was just trying to scare himself. No, Francis is alone.

  Obadiah got an idea. He went down to the tech store and bought a dictaphone. Some time before Francis returns, he’s going to press the recording button and place it under Francis’s bed.

  At Elmhurst, where Francis works, Francis felt sick. He puked. He attributed this ailment to his daily blood donations. He has to find another way to sustain Tinia, this is doing him too much damage.

  When he came home, he found drunken Obadiah sitting in the armchair. With so many empty beer cans around him, it was obvious he didn’t go anywhere today. Francis doesn’t care what Obadiah does, or does not, as long as he keeps coming up with his half of the rent.

  ‘’Hello, Obadiah.’’

  ‘’Hello, Francis.’’

  ‘’I hope you plan to clean up after yourself when you’re done.’’

  ‘’Francis’’, spoke Obadiah in solemn and inebriated tone: ‘’Do you believe in tooth fairies?’’ Francis raised his eyebrows. What is this suppose to mean? ‘’That they come at night in peoples bedrooms and bring gifts? Do you think it’s possible to ensnare them, and keep ‘em as sex slaves?’’ He knows! His red eyes are shining with spiteful lights.

  ‘’You’re drunk, Obadiah, you’re not making any sense.’’

  Francis rushed to his bedroom and locked himself in. She’s not in bed.

  ‘’Tinia!’’, he called her in muted tone. ‘’Tinia!’’

  He opened the closet doors and found the orange-haired girl sitting inside, with her hands around her knees. An instant relief pulsed through him; he hugged her and kissed her.

  ‘’I was so afraid something happened to you! Did Obadiah come in here? Tell me!’’

  ‘’No’’, she said.

  ‘’Somehow, he seems to know about you…’’

  ‘’He probably heard us talking. You weren’t careful enough, Francis.’’

  ‘’I’m so sorry… I’m going to keep the doors locked at all times, I’m not going to let him find you.’’ Obadiah will sober up, realize how stupid his insinuations are and…

  ‘’And forget about thi
s’’, she said.

  ‘’Yes. You see my thoughts. I will hide you from him. I will protect you.’’

  They went on talking and cuddling ‘till they fell asleep. Nausea awoke Francis in the morning and he rushed to bathroom to vomit. He left the doors of the bedroom unlocked and Tinia unprotected. Obadiah, who stayed up all night watching Sports TV, used this opportunity to retrieve the dictaphone. He sneaked inside and grabbed the thing from under the bed. Inside, he saw only crumpled sheets on empty bed. But, when Francis returned, Tinia was in bed again, sleeping under those sheets. He locked the doors and left for work.

  Alone, insomniac sat in the kitchen and listened to the recording on the dictaphone. There was nothing but static noise on it for about twenty minutes. Then, the doors opened.

  ‘’Tinia!’’, whispered Francis. No response. ‘Of course there’s no response, there’s no one there.’

  ‘’I was so afraid something happened to you! Did Obadiah come in here? Tell me!’’ No response came. ‘’I’m not going to let him find you.’’

  ‘’I’m falling ill, could it be that you